


Private Parts

by Sir_Thopas



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV), Firefly, Serenity (2005)
Genre: Crossover, Gen, Robots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-30
Updated: 2018-03-29
Packaged: 2019-04-14 18:59:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14142480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sir_Thopas/pseuds/Sir_Thopas
Summary: Lenore remembers when she saved the world. Lenore remembers when she was called Buffy.





	1. Chapter 1

Lenore's face was etched into a smile. She liked to smile. Always had. But she remembers a time when she could do more than that. She remembers when she saved the world. She remembers when she was called Buffy.

But that time has long since passed and she has changed. Parts are missing. Mr. Universe tried to reassemble her, but it was no use. Circuits are damaged. She can no longer move on her own. Hadn't been able to since the demons pulled her apart. There are no more demons, no more witches, no more Buffy. Lenore is all that is left.

Lenore would like to talk to Mr. Universe, but the lines of code running through her no longer become language. All she can do is parrot back the words Mr. Universe gives her. There aren't many pieces of Buffy that have survived from the Earth That Was. All that was left was the right arm and the central processing unit. Her brain, if she was a living thing. She wishes she was a living thing, like the real Buffy. Mr. Universe bought them at an auction that sold rare artifacts from the Earth That Was. Mr. Universe clicks a button and Lenore waves Buffy's right arm to the people staring at her through the screen.

Lenore wonders what Spike is doing right now. He was a dark and dangerous vampire and Buffy never could resist the sinister attraction of his cold and muscular body. She was made for him. Lenore's thoughts trail to Buffy's other friends. Angel, who was lame and his hair grew straight up and Anya, who liked money. Lenore figures that they're probably all dead.

But then again maybe not. Lenore thinks about Willow, one of Buffy's friends who was very gay. Buffy liked Willow, she was very nice. She always fixed her. In fact, Willow put a homing device in her brain so if Buffy ever got hurt she would always be able to find Willow. The homing device is still there, telling Lenore that she's damaged. She needs to find Willow. It's pointing Lenore into some unknown direction in the deep, black space. If Lenore could walk she'd follow it, her and Mr. Universe into the unknown. She wonders what she would find there. Willow? Demons? Earth?

But Lenore can't walk, can't speak. So she sits there and thinks about Buffy.


	2. Chapter 2

Kaylee had been disappointed in Mal when, after the Operative had called off the soldiers and left them in peace to rebuild their ship, he and Jayne began to divvy up Mr. Universe's belongings. They had separated the items into piles. What would be sold and what could be used on the ship. She felt like a vulture, mercilessly scavenging what was left of their friend even though she knew it was more practical than to leave his stuff to rot. She didn't have to like it though, and she decided to spend her anger on Mal. It had been his decision after all.

She would have remained angry too (at least for a few more days), if he had not decided to give Kaylee her own special present that he had wrapped up so prettily in her room the day they left Mr. Universe's moon.

Kaylee squealed with delight when she saw her, a big red bow wrapped around her waist. Simon would freak if he saw her there, having admitted to Kaylee that he was a little creeped out by such a lifelike robot, but Kaylee… When she first saw Lenore she had wanted to take her home, open her up, and see what made her tick. Which was exactly the first thing she did with Lenore.

The first thing she opened up was Lenore's head. It was, too her complete surprise, almost empty except for the vision and auditory units. It took her a while to find Lenore's central processing unit, which was nestled deep within a bunch of wires in the middle of Lenore's back. Kaylee could tell by glancing at it that it was old. Very old. Inspecting it revealed that Lenore may have once been capable of independent thought and speech, well, as independent as a robot could achieve. However, the parts were damaged, most likely from age and general wear-and-tear. Squealing with delight, Kaylee decided that she would fix Lenore and then program her to do all the girly things that Kaylee wanted, like gossiping about boys and fashion and fixing Serenity's breaker. It would be like one never-ending slumber party.

"Kaylee, you've been holed up here for near two weeks. I'm starting to think that maybe that bot is satisfying you in ways Simon can't." Mal calmly, but very loudly, announced as he walked into the engine room. He stopped dead when he saw Lenore perched on Kaylee's bed, looking at him with her dead doll eyes and that big smile.

"That ought to put your marzipan in your pie plate, bingo." The bot chirped.

"Huh?" Mal asked, utterly confused. He knew giving Kaylee that robot was a bad idea.

"Sorry, Captain." Kaylee said, suddenly appearing beside him. "I've been trying to fix her. I discovered that she has a long-list of pre-programmed sayings, but so far all I've been able to get her to say is that pie… thingy." Kaylee shrugged, but looked pleased all the same. "I also discovered that she has a set of pre-programmed sexual positions."

"What?" Mal turned to look at her, his face filled with horror. "What have you been doing to that bot?"

"Oh, nothing like that, Captain!" Kaylee laughed. "I've just been playing with her CPU."

Mal eyed the girl, obviously not comprehending what Kaylee meant by CPU. "Which is located in her…"

"Back." Kaylee supplied, a cheeky grin spreading across her face. She suddenly turned serious. "Can I hook her up to the cortex?"

Mal grew suspicious. "Why?"

"There are some things in her memory banks that I can't access through her. I'm thinking the cortex might give it the little extra oompf that it needs."

Mal sighed. He really didn't want to, but… "If you break it, you're buying a new one. And not some crappy used one, brand new."

Kaylee beamed up at him. "Thanks, Captain!"

* * *

Kaylee stared with wide-eyed wonder at the screen. Lenore had been outfitted with a homing device and, to see if she could accomplish it, decided to upload and transcribe the directions that Lenore was carrying in her CPU through the cortex. Kaylee's experiment had worked, and she was now viewing the direction that Lenore's innards were telling her to go like a map on the cortex screen. She had figured that the homing device would point her in the direction of Mr. Universe's moon, but, it had pointed her towards… well, Kaylee didn't know what.

"You know, I think Simon is starting to get jealous over Lenore."

Kaylee jumped a foot high. "River! Don't sneak up on people like that!" She exhaled deeply before turning to look at the girl. "I'm trying to figure this out. Maybe you could help me?" Kaylee asked. "I don't know where Lenore's homing device is pointing to. It just cuts clear cross the galaxy and out into the black. There's nothing in the black."

River leaned over and pressed her nose against Lenore's, whom Kaylee had positioned on the floor while doing her experiments. "All she sees are willow trees."

"Willow trees?" Kaylee murmured, thinking back to the majestic willow tree that had sat on her grandfather's land. It had been Kaylee's favorite tree. The idea that Lenore wanted to go to a placed filled with willow trees delighted Kaylee to no end. "But where are the trees?"

River stood up. "Home. Not the place were we grew up, but the progenitor of our species. All species. The house that contained the soup that we crawled out of." River smiled at Kaylee's confused expression. "Earth." She clarified.

Kaylee's mouth opened to form an "O", her big eyes growing wider. She knew about Earth, of course. Everybody learned about Earth at school, except maybe folks like Jayne who didn't get much schooling, if any at all. It was where people used to live until there just got to be too many people. So, a bunch of people, most of the people, decided to leave and went clear cross the universe. That was years and years ago; nobody even remembered where Earth was. They had theories, but nobody was willing to test it. Kaylee gave a little jump in her seat. Lenore knew. There was no guessing involved, she knew where Earth was. She wondered what it was like on Earth and if there were any people still left on there. She thought that perhaps everything grew in gigantic proportions on Earth and if she ever visited she would see giant willow trees for miles and miles; a whole forest of them. Kaylee was suddenly filled with a longing to see the mysterious planet that had captivated the minds and hearts of people for so long.

"And what, if I may ask, are you ladies whispering about?" Mal asked as he entered the room. Kaylee turned to look at him with a dreamy look.

"Captain… how's business?" She asked.

Mal frowned at her. "Not good. The Alliance has tightened their grip so they won't loose hold of their power. Nobody's willing to bend the rules, even if it means going hungry. You know that."

"What if… what if we do something other than crime for once?"

"Like what? You got an idea?"

Kaylee bit her lip; the far-off look was still in her eyes. "We could explore. They're always looking for explorers."

Mal shook his head. "There ain't nothing to explore. Any planet worth living on has been found already; all that's left are dust rocks that the Alliance can stick the poor on, tell them they got something good and that they should be grateful for it even if it never produces a thing."

Kaylee shook her head. "No, I don't want to explore the galaxy. I want to explore the universe. I want to go to Earth."

Mal shook his head again, giving Kaylee a look of worry. "That's suicide, Kaylee. We're not going to find Earth, we'll just get lost in the black. And there's a lot of black to get lost in."

"Yeah, but we've got a map." Kaylee gestured to the cortex screen and Mal looked at it in amazement.

"Kaylee… I don't think this is a good idea. There's no telling what we're gonna find if we follow that." Mal said, backing up slightly.

"Don't worry, Mal." River said, smiling. "There's trees in the desert since we've moved out and Lenore doesn't sleep on a bed of bones." The girl looked down at the robot who was staring fixedly ahead, her unchanging smile plastered across her face. River looked up again, staring down Mal. "You think you know what you are? What's to come? You haven't even begun."


End file.
